I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
