so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Randomize
