shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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