Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
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