I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
