You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
wanna go halves on a baby?
someone get that fucking seahorse.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
Randomize
