smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Randomize
