Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
