Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
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