I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
so much tequila, so little girl.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
