I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I think your dad took our porno
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Randomize
