every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Randomize
