you're like a bully in the Christmas story
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
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