sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
