You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
