What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
