the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
