Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
