I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
