im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
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