my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
