tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
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