just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
