It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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