i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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