hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
