Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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