I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
