i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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