just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
