Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Randomize
