I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
