Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
