I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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