as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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