I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
