Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
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