You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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