Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
