Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
