My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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