Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
