I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
