I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
