I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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