who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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