Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Randomize
