Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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