The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
