you guys were way drunker than both of me
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
You have amazing self restraint. If there was one thing I could learn from you, that wouldn't be it. I love my life as it is.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
