Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
