I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
He said I was doing well, so I stopped mid blow job to compliment his grammar. You could say I like intellectuals
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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